Time to take it in

Disclaimer: This update is from Becky, it is of what I learned while on my Titus outreach in Nepal. Jeff's update will follow in a few days...

When I first came to Titus I was scared out of my mind. I did not want to be a teacher nor did I ever see myself as one. I struggled with the very idea of teaching, since I was a young teen I hated being in front of people speaking, it seemed like a sick joke that now I would have to do that for a living. During the three week Titus lecture phase we taught a total of four practice teachings. We would prepare four different kinds of seminars that we might encounter on outreach, including a sermon, we would present our teachings and then would be critiqued on them by our staff and fellow students. Surprisingly (for me) I did well in each of my teachings and instead of feeling good about them I got more and more frustrated. I was angry that God would dare make me a good teacher. I didn’t want to be a good teacher because I didn’t want to teach, I wanted to be able to commit two years to becoming a SBS staff/teacher but I didn’t want it to go any further than that. If I was a good teacher I feared that God would make me teach more beyond that two year commitment. The day we arrived in Nepal I realized that I was doing what God called me to do, but that I was rebelling in my heart. I couldn’t believe that after studying the Bible for nine months I didn’t even see that I was falling into the same pattern that got the Jews fell into. I was following in action only. God wanted my heart but I only wanted to give Him my actions. I was following what He said but I would not let Him change my heart, I would not let myself feel peace about teaching. That day my team prayed over me; that I would not just surrender my life but that I would surrender my will and my heart to God.
Looking back on that time I almost want to laugh, I have successfully completed my outreach phase and now not only do I not mind teaching but I actually enjoy it. It didn’t happen right away, I didn’t magically stop worrying about speaking in front of people, but God did change my heart. I went from stressing out over having to speak for 15-20 minutes, not knowing how to fill in all that time, to teaching an 18 hour seminar in the DTS, having more to say than I had time for. Even then I became aware that even when God gives me the ability to teach and be comfortable doing it that without Him all my words would mean nothing. I not only had to learn to teach with my words/content, I had to learn how to teach through Him. This became so clear the third day of my teaching in the DTS, for me it had been a rough start, I felt like they were getting it but that something was missing. That night as I was teaching on God’s love, the Spirit fell on the students; it was an amazing time of reflection and ministry for them. Afterwards some of them came up to me and thanked me for my teaching, it had touched their lives. However while it was my words that were spoken the glory belonged to God, He used me in a powerful way to impact their lives and to bring truth. What I learned from Titus is that it is not about me, God is giving us all the greatest gift, to be apart of His ministry and He uses the weak to show His strength. On my own I believe now that I am a good teacher, but with God I can be a great teacher, not because I know the most or have all the answers, which isn’t a bad thing, but because God has called me to teach and He does not call us to do His without equipping us for it.